Top 23 “Bizzarro” Stories from 2023

For the past several years, right before New Year’s Eve, we count down the most bizarre headlines for the year. The year 2023 was so weird and crazy that it was very difficult to limit the number to 23, but we did our best, and here they are!

#23 | Drunk Hit-And-Run Driver Goes 40 Miles With Victim’s Body in Windshield

Earlier this month, a Texas man accused of a hit-and-run apparently hit the victim so hard that the body flew up into the air and into the car’s passenger seat.

Even more bizarre: The driver didn’t notice the body next to him in the car and drove almost 40 miles (with the victim in the windshield) before passing out in a Jack In The Box in White Settlement, Texas.

After waking up from his drunken stupor, Lujan Flores told police he thought he had struck a deer in Dallas and just continued driving to the Jack In The Box, according to NBC Dallas-Fort Worth. Apparently Flores was so drunk that he didn’t realize a human being had fatally smashed through the windshield, and the dead body was still there!

QUESTION: How is it possible to be impaired to the level where you hit and kill a pedestrian on the roadway, and the body is within 3 feet of you … and you think it’s an animal?

#22 | Florida Woman Tries to Bring 4-foot “Emotional Support Snake” on Plane

TSA security screeners spotted a scaly surprise while scanning a suitcase at the Tampa International Airport: a 4-foot-long boa constrictor making its way through a x-ray machine.

The passenger told officers the boa was her “emotional support pet,” a TSA spokesperson said. Despite the “emotional support” slant, the snake was not allowed on the flight.

Turns out, the in-flight movie is not meant to be “Snakes on a Plane 2: Emotional Boogaloo.”

Sorry, serpents, we’re sticking to emotional support peacocks for now. 🙂

#21 | Scientists Re-Animating Dead Spiders to Make “Grippers” With Necrobiotics

In the shadowy fringes of science, researchers have ventured into the eerie realm of “necrobotics” (the use of biotic materials for robotic parts). Their unsettling breakthrough? Reanimating spiders, turning their lifeless bodies into gruesome yet functional robotic tools.

Faye Yap is a mechanical engineering PhD student at Rice University, where she co-authored a paper on reanimating spider corpses to create “grippers” (tiny machines used to pick up and put down delicate objects). Yap dubbed this use of biotic materials for robotic parts “necrobotics.”

In our opinion, the last thing we need is arachnophobia evolving into arachno-mania, with re-animated spiders  staging tiny, eight-legged Broadway musicals in our living rooms. Let’s keep the creepy crawlies in the ‘nope’ zone.

#20 | Coast Guard Arrests Man Riding Giant Hamster Wheel Across Pacific Ocean

In a daring blend of ambition and absurdity, Reza Baluchi took to the Atlantic in a homemade “hamster wheel” vessel, aiming for a journey across the Pacific Ocean as boundless as his dreams. This audacious attempt quickly spiraled into a perilous ordeal, prompting a Coast Guard intervention off the Florida coast.

Baluchi’s quixotic quest, while seemingly ludicrous, underscores the human spirit’s unyielding pursuit of the bizarre, both captivating and bewildering, leaving us pondering the fine line between visionary and foolhardy.

Photo: Flagler County (Fla.) Sheriff's Office on Facebook

#19 | NYC Appoints Rat Czar 

In a city shadowed by crime and grime and an ever-swelling rat population, New York City Mayor Eric Adams appointed Kathleen Corradi as the city’s first-ever citywide director of rodent mitigation, also known as the ‘Rat Czar.’

The appointment of a ‘Rat Czar’ raises more than just eyebrows. As New Yorkers navigate streets marred by refuse, one wonders: Are the city’s own policies to blame for this vermin explosion? The dubious honor bestowed upon Kathleen Corradi to spearhead the rodent wrangling effort sparks skepticism. Critics question whether this role is a mere band-aid over a deeper, festering wound. Could the substantial funds allocated to wage war on rats not be more wisely invested in cleansing the city’s streets and aiding its homeless?

#18 | Global Warming Allegedly Caused By Breathing (and Farting)

Scientists affiliated with the Centre for Ecology and Hydrology in Edinburgh have asserted that humans are fueling alleged global warming by exhaling from their lungs. But it’s not just humans! Oh no! It’s cows too! Governments from New Zealand to Europe are zeroing in on cows and other livestock, whose burps and farts generate 15% of “greenhouse gas emissions,” according to the United Nations.

In a study that borders on the absurd, the claim that human breathing contributes to global warming strikes at the core of a much larger debate. The insinuation that the mere act of breathing (and farting) could be a threat undermines the intrinsic value of human and animal life. Critics argue this could be a slippery slope leading to draconian measures under the guise of “environmental protection.” The question looms large: Is the global warming narrative actually a tool used by the globalists for complete control of all humanity, and at what point do we say “enough is enough”?

#17 | Ex-FBI Intel Chief Who ‘Investigated’ Trump-Russia Collusion Gets 4 Years In Prison …
… For Colluding With Russia! 

In an ironic twist worthy of a spy novel, Charles McGonigal, the former FBI official who once spearheaded the Trump-Russia collusion probe has found himself on the other side of the law, sentenced to four years for, of all things, colluding with Russia.

McGonigal was the FBI’s recipient of the fake tip from Alexander Downer that supposedly started the Trump/Russia investigation. He was also involved in the fake Carter Page (“Crossfire Dragon”) investigation. President Donald Trump didn’t mince words in his Truth Social post: “The FBI guy after me for the Russia, Russia, Russia HOAX long before my election as president was just arrested for taking money from Russia, Russia, Russia. May he rot in hell!”

#16 | San Francisco ‘Poop Map’ Has Been Updated, And Things Are Sh**tier Than Ever 

In the latest twist of urban absurdity, San Francisco’s ‘Poop Map’ update has residents and onlookers alike scratching their heads – and holding their noses. The city, once famed for its golden gates and cultural vibrancy, now charts a less glamorous course, with streets increasingly paved in human waste. Despite a squadron of highly paid ‘poop patrollers’ (making upwards of $185K per year), the situation stinks of inefficiency and mismanagement. (And of course, the guy in charge of it was arrested on felony fraud charges and sentenced to seven years in prison).

According to OpenTheBooks, here it is in all its brown glory – only now it’s got an additional 125,506 cases in just three years – more than double the amount reported in the initial eight-year period. It couldn’t have anything to do with San Francisco’s “sanctuary city” status or all the illegal immigrants, now, could it? As the poop piles grow, so does the incredulity: how has a city so affluent and progressive found itself in such a messy situation? It’s high time for a clean sweep, San Francisco!

#15 | Baby “Sucked Up” By Tornado Found Alive in Tree

Hitting close to home in Clarksville, Tennessee, in a tale of survival that defies the odds, a 4-month-old baby (named Lord Sydney Moore) emerged as a tiny beacon of hope amidst the chaos of a devastating tornado. Cradled in the protective embrace of a bassinet lodged in a fallen tree, Lord’s miraculous survival amidst the wreckage speaks volumes of resilience and clearly, divine intervention.

The baby’s mother, Sydney, said that when the tornado hit their mobile home, it ripped off the roof and lifted the bassinet with her son inside. After escaping the wreckage of their home, she frantically searched for Lord and miraculously found him alive laying on a tree that had fallen in the pouring rain. As the community gathered to celebrate this extraordinary escape, the story of Lord Sydney Moore became a symbol of endurance and the unyielding spirit of life, even in the face of nature’s most ruthless forces.

#14 | OpenAI and Figure Develop Terrifyingly Creepy Humanoid Robots For the Workforce

OpenAI, the cutting-edge artificial intelligence research organization behind the all-mighty and extremely popular ChatGPT, has made a chilling breakthrough with its latest project. In a partnership with a robotics company, Figure, the two tech powerhouses have joined forces to create an extremely creepy robot that might one day do all your chores for you.

Imagine a world where robots can learn complex tasks by observing humans. A bit eerie, right? Well, that’s precisely the kind of technology that OpenAI has programmed within this robot. It’s a neural network designed to understand and replicate human movements, taking robotics to a whole new level. Shockingly, a new study by Oxford scientists concludes that 47% of all jobs are “at risk” of being replaced by automation systems and robots in just one generation (roughly 20 years).

#13 | Seattle Man Sues Hospital That Lost Tumor

Yes, you read that right. Jeremy Morton-Maxson, 39, had a potentially cancerous bladder tumor removed last year by doctors at the University of Washington Medicine.  The doctors were supposed to test the tumor for cancer and devise treatment plans accordingly, but Morton-Maxson didn’t hear back for weeks. Turns out, the hospital lost the tumor.

No, really.

The lawsuit suggests that if the doctors had bothered to keep track of the tumor, and it had actually tested positive for cancer, then Jeremy would have had a smorgasbord of treatment options.  Nevertheless, despite the fact that they don’t know if there’s cancer or not, a urologist has suggested the enticing option of “preventive” chemotherapy – you know, just in case. Kind of like offering an umbrella for a sunny day.

#12 | Squirrel Caught on Film Staging Its Own Murder

In a bizarre twist of nature that seems straight out of a detective novel, a flying squirrel has become an internet sensation for its dramatic antics. Captured on video, this cunning creature appears to ‘play dead,’ creating an elaborate ‘crime scene’ with a broom positioned as a supposed murder weapon.

The squirrel’s performance, worthy of an Oscar, has left viewers in stitches, with many marveling at his intelligence. Others were left rolling on the floor, laughing over the meticulously staged crime scene. But what’s really going on in this furry critter’s mind? Is it a natural behavior, a learned trick, or is the squirrel just an unsuspecting actor in a larger story we’re yet to understand?

As viewers puzzle over the motives and marvel at the performance, this peculiar tale invites a playful pondering of what other secrets the animal kingdom might be hiding.

#11 | Woman Sues Restaurant After Allegedly Finding Part of a Finger in Her Salad

A customer has filed a lawsuit against the fast casual chain Chopt over a salad that she says contained an unexpected surprise. In a nightmarish twist to a casual meal, the customer made a gruesome discovery: a severed finger lurking amidst the lettuce leaves of her salad. According to the suit, a manager at the restaurant accidentally severed a piece of her left pointer finger while chopping arugula.

This macabre incident, now the subject of a stomach-turning lawsuit, has left customers and the public in disbelief and disgust. As the legal battle unfolds, questions swirl around safety standards and the chilling chain of events leading to this bizarre discovery.

#10 | Alabama Mom is 1-in-a-Million, Delivering 2 Babies From 2 Different Uteruses in 2 Days

In an extraordinary medical marvel, an Alabama mother, Kelsey Hatcher, defied astronomical odds, delivering two babies from two distinct uteruses within two days, at the University of Alabama at Birmingham Hospital. But unlike typical twins, the newborns came from two separate wombs. Hatcher vaginally delivered her first baby, Roxi, at 7:45 p.m. on Dec. 19th, followed by Rebel, who was delivered by c-section about 10 hours later on Dec. 20th.

This rare biological phenomenon, known as uterus didelphys, presents a one-in-a-million scenario, leaving doctors and the public astounded. Her experience is what’s known as a “dicavitary pregnancy,” according to a University of Alabama at Birmingham news release. As Kelsey embraces her unique journey, her story becomes a testament to the mysteries and miracles of life, stirring curiosity and awe worldwide.

Photo: Andrea Mabry/University of Alabama at Birmingham

#9 | Gay Porn Being Made in US Senate

Earlier this month, in a salacious scandal that seems ripped from a political drama, Capitol Hill was rocked to its core by a gay sex tape incident in none other than a famous Senate hearing room. As reports emerge of a legislative aide being dismissed from Senator Ben Cardin’s office amidst the fallout, one can’t help but smirk at the irony. Despite being clearly identifiable in the video, the staffer denied that he participated in the raunchy act. But hold your horses, folks – isn’t this the same esteemed chamber where laws are made and futures decided?

With the public eye now keenly fixed on Room 216 of the Hart Senate Office Building, the saga unfolding begs the question: When did Capitol Hill turn into Capitol Thrill? And more importantly, when will our esteemed leaders get back to the business of governing rather than starring in their own risqué reels? FOX News contributor Jonathan Turley suggested in a blog post that the individuals seen in the video could face potential criminal charges, even if the act was consensual.

#8 | Zelensky Asks Marina Abramović To be Ukraine Ambassador 

In a move that has many scratching their heads in bewilderment, Ukraine’s President Zelensky has reportedly reached out to Marina Abramović, a controversial figure known for her dark and provocative art, to act as an ambassador to help rebuild schools.

Yes, this Marina Abramovic! They’re flaunting their evil right in front of our faces…

With her reputation as a self-proclaimed high priestess of dark arts and her involvement in bizarre rituals and spirit cooking, one must question the implications of such a choice. How does someone with such an evil,  contentious and disturbing background fit into the role of nurturing international relations, especially when children are involved?

#7 | Spain Legalizes Beastiality 

The Spanish allowed children to change sex on demand. Now they are legalizing bestiality. Yep, that’s right. A shocking report came out of Spain this year with a recent decision to decriminalize bestiality, a move that has sparked global debates and discussions.

As the world watches in baffled concern, one must ask: What’s next in this slippery slope of ‘progressive’ legislation? And how does a civilized society find itself at a juncture where such acts are anything but unanimously condemned?

This is over the top bizarre and just disgusting. It’s hard to believe Spain has lowered its standard to this depraved state. This proves that “left woke-ism” is the “plague of the 21st century.”

#6 | Man Breaks Into Woman’s House, Stares At Her for 30 Minutes, Steals Only Her Socks

This happened on April 1, 2023, but it’s not an April Fool’s joke! In what might be one of the most bizarre burglaries of the year, a seemingly ordinary break-in took a turn into the surreal. Home security video shows the alleged intruder, Dan Abimana, fixating on the Iowa homeowner, staring at the sleeping woman for almost half an hour in a spine-chilling tableau of voyeurism.

During his uninvited visit, Abimana reportedly had a drink, used the victim’s bathroom, put on a pair of socks, and rearranged the woman’s shoe collection. Then, as if to add an absurd final touch to this already unsettling narrative, the Abimana’s “loot” was nothing more than socks. This strange blend of menace and triviality cements the incident as a standout in the annals of odd crimes, leaving the public both alarmed and bewildered by the eerie motivations and bizarre execution of what is, perhaps, this year’s most outlandish felony.

#5 | Doctors Discover Fully Intact Fly in Man’s Colon  

In a bizarre and stunning medical revelation, two Missouri doctors were shocked to discover a fly comfortably settled in a 63-year-old man’s colon and intestines. The reality is that it’s not uncommon for insects to crawl into one of the many orifices in the body. But this one stumped the doctors, too.

According to the American Journal Of Gastroenterology, which published the skin-crawling study, the case represented a very rare colonoscopic finding. Clearly, our insides are the new five-star resorts for insects seeking an adventurous vacation. Who needs a spa retreat when your digestive system offers such lavish accommodations?

#4 | Woman Shot By Own Gun After Sneaking it into MRI Machine  

Who said being confined in a loud, claustrophobic metal tube couldn’t be a blast? An unidentified 57-year-old Wisconsin woman was left with an extra pair of holes in her butt after she took a loaded firearm into an MRI machine during a doctor’s visit back in June, FDA records show.

Apparently, the machine’s massive magnetic force set off the firearm and left her with a wound in her butt.

NOTE TO SELF: Don’t bring a handgun near a powerful magnet like an MRI because the huge magnetic force might set off the firearm! 🙂

#3 | Scientists Create Wooly Mammoth Meatball  

In a venture that blurs the lines between innovation and audacity, a cultivated meat firm from Australia claims to have conjured culinary history from extinction, creating a meatball from mammoth DNA. But at what cost?

This foray into reviving ancient flavors sparks a fierce debate: are we teetering on the edge of an ethical abyss, resurrecting species long surrendered to time’s embrace? As science delves into realms once reserved for mystics and madmen, one must ponder — in our relentless pursuit of the extraordinary, have we unwittingly invited a banquet of consequences?

#2 | Secret Service Still “Stumped”; Unable to Determine Who Left Cocaine in White House

The Secret Service announced it had closed its investigation into who left a small packet of cocaine in the White House without finding the culprit behind the July “snowstorm.” According to agents, they have no idea who left the drugs behind. Hmmmm…. wonder who might have forgotten the cocaine???

Maybe the Secret Service should have checked the betting odds! As soon as the white powder was discovered, bookies in Las Vegas began a betting bonanza and tagged Hunter Biden as the likely culprit behind the hard drugs found at the White House. Heck, even the international sportsbook BetOnline.ag joined the circus, generously offering Hunter +170 odds as the top dog of the snort show.

In related news, Secret Service agents were unable to identify that large yellow ball of fire in the sky that rises in the east and sets in the west…

#1 | Fat Dude Wins Miss America Contest

Yes, this happened in late 2022, but we’ve included this year, because it’s just SO BIZARRE! The “Miss Greater Derry” local beauty pageant (a “Miss America” qualifier) attracted ample mockery on social media after a confused, morbidly obese male – who thinks he’s a female – was crowned the winner of the competition and awarded a scholarship intended for young women. There truly are no words to describe how bizarre and twisted this is!

Ah, the wonders of societal double standards. If you happen to actually be a real female competitor, make sure to tick all the boxes: slim, stunning face, the right anatomy, graceful demeanor, and of course, a perpetually cheerful personality. But if you’re a bewildered, confused, obese dude, who thinks a “he” can be a “she” and wears a dress and embraces his inner “Miss” America, just throw standards out the window.

Apparently, all it takes is a dress and some “woke” votes from liberal idiots to celebrate your authenticity.

Excuse us while we find a bucket for this display of “woke enlightenment.”

OK, that concludes the top 23 “bizarro” stories of 2023.

Please don’t fret and don’t fear.

Truth will triumph and the lunatics will be defeated.

Please keep sharing the truth with your friends and family.

And please remember that CANCER DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A DEATH SENTENCE!

God Bless and Happy New Year!

P.S. We almost forgot to add a video of the “Gaffe-Master-in-Chief” – Bumbling Joe Biden – our national embarrassment! 🙂