Being a support for someone who has cancer is something that most of us will face at least once in our lives. In fact, according to the American Cancer Society, three out of four households will experience a cancer diagnosis in their family at some point in their lives. Receiving cancer support is vital for the person going through a diagnosis. Sociological studies have proven that emotional support can affect immune system function, treatment outcomes, and even cancer mortality rates.
4 Ways to Provide the Best Cancer Support to Friends & Family
Dr. O. Carl Simonton was a world-renowned oncologist and author who pioneered the field of psychosocial oncology. He believed that “our emotions significantly influence health and recovery from disease (including cancer)” and concluded that “emotions are a strong driving force in the immune system and other healing systems.”
Being there for someone else who may need your support requires skill, but it is not the kind of skill that any of us learned in school! Providing real support takes balance, patience, and awareness on the part of the supporter. And, believe it or not, it can be one of the most rewarding and eye-opening experiences you may ever have.
1. Take care of yourself and your needs!
I put this first for a reason. After all, if you do not take care of yourself, how can you truly be there for someone else?
But what does it mean to take care of one’s self? In my opinion, it signifies practicing true self-care. Physically, this correlates with the basics: getting enough sleep, eating nourishing foods, and exercising daily. Emotionally, it means practicing gratitude and taking time out every day to find ways to relax and find joy. While you care for your loved one, try to “unplug” from the needs of others for at least half an hour each day. Go for a walk, write in a journal, do something creative, or just sit in nature. Even petting your cat or staring at a plant for five minutes is better than nothing!
Make it a point to observe your thoughts and feelings as you take time for yourself. Are you feeling guilty? Are unexplainable feelings of anger and resentment towards yourself or the other rising to the surface? Let whatever thoughts and emotions come and go. Mind-body expert and researcher Dr. Joe Dispenza says that emotions are “energy in motion.” If you consider your emotions in terms of energy, then allowing them to arise and then leave your system on their own can open up more room within you to be present for others.
Finally, self-care involves knowing your own boundaries when it comes to how you can help. If you feel that you are taking on too much, it’s okay to say “no.” A good way to take a step back is to offer another resource (support group, therapist, doctor, online reference such as TheTruthAboutCancer.com) where your loved one may be able to get the help they seek.
2. Listen.
Best-selling author and self-care expert Cheryl Richardson says, “People start to heal the moment they feel heard.” For a cancer patient, simply feeling that someone is listening to them may be the factor that will turn on the physical mechanisms of healing.
The good news is that listening requires literally nothing on your part! No words of advice or sage wisdom are required. All you have to bring to the table is patience and a listening ear. Some good phrases to repeat so that the other knows that you are listening are: “I hear you,” “Thank you for sharing that with me,” or “Tell me more about that.”
Also, don’t be afraid of silence. Often individuals will fill pauses in conversation with chatter. A person facing a cancer diagnosis is going through one of the scariest experiences of their life. They may feel vulnerable and just need a moment to process what is going on before responding. Practice breathing through a silent spot in a conversation. A great reference for active listening is Marshall Rosenberg’s Non-Violent Communication (NVC) books and website.
3. Accept wherever the person is on their cancer journey.
Accepting another’s views about health and their chosen cancer protocols if they differ from your own may be the toughest thing for you to do. This is, especially so if you are aware of the power of evidence-based natural medicines. In fact, you may feel like you are not being supportive if you don’t educate them about the dangers of chemotherapy, for example, or the cancer healing power of curcumin.
I am not advocating that you don’t let your loved one know that there are alternative ways to view what is going on in their body. Indeed, this information may just save their life. I am suggesting, however, that being selective in what you say and when you say it can make all the difference as to whether that person receives the information… or rejects it.
An ideal time to offer an opinion is when the person asks for it outright. You can also say, simply, “I have a suggestion. Would you like to hear it?” This question puts the ball in their court. Briefly explaining what your suggestion is and then providing an outside resource, such as a link or a book reference that they can investigate on their own, is much more empowering for them than talking “at them.”
Finally, an intense lesson in acceptance may occur for you if the other simply does not want to hear about any kind of “alternatives” to conventional approaches. If this is the case, just be there for them as you can and let go of any expectations or judgments you may have about their course of action. Lead by example. Simply be present for them in love (and in prayer, if that is in alignment with your belief system). They will feel your unconditional support and this alone will help them in their healing.
4. Focus on the tangible. Be prepared for the intangible.
Sometimes the best way you can help a person, especially in the beginning, is in tangible ways. Do they need help with preparing meals? Doing laundry? Running an errand? Depending on how much time and energy you have to do these things, helping the other to get the “little things in life” done can relieve a lot of stress. It can also open up time for them to just “be” as well as take some time to decide what to do next. As you do these “tangible” things, the person may or may not open up to you about their fears, concerns, and confusions. Decide beforehand if you wish to be there for them in that way if the opportunity arises.
Most of all, remember that you are providing a great service by being part of a person’s support team when a cancer diagnosis occurs. For you, this journey can be draining both emotionally and physically. Be willing to honor what you can and cannot do. Especially if someone very close to you is dealing with cancer, be sure to take time for yourself and to reach out to others both online and in-person to get the support YOU need along the way.
Have you had to provide cancer support to a friend or family member? What helpful suggestions can you offer to others? Please share in the Comments section below.
Article Summary
Three out of four households will experience a cancer diagnosis in their family at some point in their lives. Receiving cancer support is vital as studies show that emotional support can affect immune system function, treatment outcomes, and even cancer mortality rates.
Being there for someone else who may need your support requires skill, but it is not the kind of skill that any of us learned in school.
Here are 4 ways to provide the best cancer support to friends & family members:
- Remember to take care of yourself and your needs too. While you care for your loved one, try to “unplug” from the needs of others for at least half an hour each day.
- Listen. No words of advice or sage wisdom are required. All you have to bring to the table is patience and a listening ear.
- Accept wherever the person is on their cancer journey. Being selective in what you say and when you say it can make all the difference as to whether that person receives the information or rejects it.
- Sometimes the best way you can help a person, especially in the beginning, is in tangible ways such as preparing meals, doing laundry, or running an errand.
Be willing to honor what you can and cannot do, especially if someone very close to you is dealing with cancer. Take time for yourself and to reach out to others both online and in-person to get the support YOU need along the way.
Help is something great we can do,but it’s true some feelings (like not insisting on talking about alternative solutions,even if we know they’re the best solution!) are hard to dominate…
I try,hard,everyday…but seing how young and old around me keep on consuming “toxic” ” foods” just makes me nervous,sometimes!
Thanks for the article;I’ll keep on trying.
Good Morning! A very good article on healing from cancer…I’d like to see more of them on de-worming the body from microscopic parasites, as that is the cause of cancer revealed to an Australian visionary by Our Lord Jesus Christ. There is no doubt that emotions can cause negative body performance in that when we are attacked by negative people who hate, criticize, mock, scorn, ridicule, etc., it can do damage to our healing mechanisms. I’m living testimony to that! People seem to enjoy bullying me as though their life depends on it! Well…I just offer it up to Jesus through Our Lady of Fatima, Jesus’s Holy Mother, for their conversions! Then I have my Peace back and they receive their crosses! The only Place to be is at the Foot of the Cross LOVING INSTEAD OF HATING. God Bless your day, and may America receive the right President today! God’s Will be done!!!
It is true, when a person has cancer, one should have support. Having support makes a person feel emotionally and physically better! I have heard that the body can heal itself.
I read this article and cried. I have 2 daughters that haven’t been there for me throughout my journey of lung cancer. I have been alone and it breaks my heart that neither one even seem to care, as I have never given them a reason for their lack of caring, empathy, or love.
Thankfully, I have a couple of friends that I talk with from time to time. They live faraway, but hearing their voice means so much.
I wish for everyone to have the help and support that is needed.
Have you tried talking with them, maybe they are afraid of your cancer and having to watch their Mother go through something so devastating. Sometimes fear is something that can paralyze us into trying to pretend something is non existant or isn’t really happening. My heart goes out to you, I hope you can find a solution to your pain, both emotionally and physically
I am so sorry to hear your story bless your heart I know what you are feeling keep busy my friend and enjoy your life and be happy God bless. Xx
I believe it’s not that your daughters don’t care or Love you, they just don’t know what to say or do. Many of us as parents have projected that Superman/Supergirl image of always being able to deal with what ever comes, and many of our children look at us as Superheroes, and when they hear or see us now being attack by that material the weaken Superman/Supergirl they are lost for words or actions because they have always seen us as strong and overcomers. You may want to consider having an one on one talk with your daughters, and let them know that you are at a stage in your life, that you need their care and affection. Help them to be able to help you—— and if all fails, CONTINUE TO TRUST IN GOD, and that he will give you what you need as you go through this journey of Life, and if you have to cry, cry—- but suck it up and take another step forward, God Bless, Yoo
Ihave read and listend to a lot of different people!s opions of how to treat camcer,not so mutch of WHY or how it developed in the first place.i recomend the book called “DYING TO BE ME by Anita Moorjani”.just my opinion.
Good morning — my sister has cancer; she was diagnosed in April of 2015 and was told nothing could be done and she had 6 months. 13 months later she is still here but is now weakening. She was told to stop taking any vitamins, etc. which she did therefore, when trying to show her what might help, did no good. She has spent several months with me and my mistake was in trying to do too much for her. She didn’t want help on anything but wanted to do it herself. I, in turn, just wanted to help her but it wasn’t working. We are two very different people. She now is with her son where she will continue to be. I guess, my advice is to let them do what they can without offering help all the time. I am going to visit her for a week and then she’s coming up for Thanksgiving. I love all the information I have received in “The Truth About Cancer”. Unfortunately, in my sister’s case, she got everything in order within the first 6 months and then waited. I really don’t think doctors should always give such a definite diagnosis but a wider range of time.
My brother passed away 7 years ago to cutaneous t cell lymphoma (CTCL), a horrible disease. He was 52, two years younger than me. I tried to take care of him. I tried to be his support system, but probably said things he didn’t want to hear.. I was always researching for new solutions. He believed strongly in his oncology team. I felt that they let him down. He would not confide in me, not even before his death. I was so frustrated that I could not help him or save him. I suffer from guilt – survivor guilt ( why him and not me?), guilt for not saving him, guilt for neglecting him all those previous years. This unresolved stress will probably result in my cancer and I feel like I deserve that.
You would do well to forgive yourself for being human and turn away from any thoughts of deserving punishment, it only hinders progress and your ability to help someone else down the line with what you have experienced. When you can’t change something that you wish you could or wish you could have, you can give it to God and move forward. You did your best with what you knew at the time and no one could ever ask for or expect more.
My 31 year old daughter in-law has Thyroid cancer, they removed her Thyroid and twenty nine Lymph Nodes, seven of them had cancer. I told her people are curing their cancers by eating a raw diet with lot’s of greens, supplements, and essential oils. She said she couldn’t eat a diet like that so she has chosen to do radiation which I feel is the wrong decision but it is her choice so all I can do is be supportive. I worry because I have two grandsons five months and twenty months. I know what radiation is and what it does that is why I wish she wouldn’t do it. I have worked in the medical field long enough to know Radiation causes cancer so why would you give it to someone who already has cancer. Does anyone know what else she can do? My father had Chemo and Radiation and it killed him! All I can do now is pray for a miracle!
Hi Faith,
The best advice we can give you is to consult with one of the doctors/experts that we interviewed in our Global Quest Series. Here is a link to get their information: https://thetruthaboutcancer.com/experts-info-sheet/
I want to reply because I had cancer of the Thyroid, 10 years ago. I kept going to the doctor saying I have a lump and they turned me away saying it was nothing. I persisted and was told I was a silly girl! So I changed doctors and went back again, I had felt unwell and knew I wasnt right.
He too still looked as me as though I was hyoerchondriac or something and agreed to do tests to shut le up. The results came back quick and they said I needed an operation. They would remove half the Thyroid and test. That seemed to be protocol to do half at a time. The results came back that cancer was detected.
So they said the other half needed to be removed because it too would have cancer.
I told them they could remove it but they would kot find cancer in it. That was my faith.
I had it removed and all doctors were there and they told me No cancer was in that half. I did still have to have radio iodine treatment, you are isolated for days and also have to have low iodine intake. Nightmare as after all these years no one has produced a diet sheet to use and you would not believe what has iodine in. Little you can actually eat.
After this, I was on levothyroxine which I will be on for life.
That was 10 years ago as I mentioned and I have been cancer free.
However, at that time I didnt have the knowledge of what I now know and if I had, I may have chosen another route. Not had the radio iodine treatnent. I didn’t question why I got cancer or how I had it and it had to be dealt with. Not being in contact with anyone that suggested anything different as to how it was treated.
I just wanted to respond because you hear cancer and are numb. This happens to other people not me or people I know. I was told by a specialist, if you were to get cancer then Thyroid cancer would be the one you would want because it is beatable.
I didn’t want any cancer and no others either. I am just trying to alleviate your anxiety and know that I understand because I can relate.
Yet I have to say that I am thinking myself blessed that I come through and knowing all I now know from truth about cancer. I have had illnesses since, treatable but you wonder at times why I would I now have this or that. I am for alternative treatment and you want to pass it on to others to tell them to.
I have had a cousin die last year and what is written in this article rings true. I tried to say and push so much sending articles and alternative treatments with no response but a curt thanks but stop sending these type messages, I did stop. He had treatnent, chemo and alsorts and died months after.
You just want to help and I wanted to because I couldn’t understand if someone has the knowledge and diagnosed, wouldn’t you do anything to recover or try at least. .
You can’t be harmed by it, only benefit. Even if you did have chemo and followed doctors orders, you would need things set in place alternatively to counteract damage caused by this.whereas I would have welcomed this knowledge and information at the time, others may not. We all deal with things in life differently.
I now have another cousin wjo too have been given a diagnosis and I immediately once again have sent this site to her to read up, sent alternative treatments and yet I know she is having the chemo treatnent but won’t talk about it at all. So just politely thanks me but notjing more.
I learnt with my cousin before who sadly died that you have given what you can, it is up to them to decide how they react to that information. As the saying hoes. You can lead a donkey to water but you can’t make it drink.
Some people are sceptical.
I think as the article suggests we have to meet people where they are at. My thoughts and what I would do may not be what others think even of they are family members.
So such good advice to pick your timings and wait for a cue and say I have some information would you like to hear it. If you then tell that person and they reject it, then you can’t push it on them. It is very difficult to know what to do. You have at least tried and can continue to be there and do all the other things that this article suggests.
I do hope that all find out the truth and what you can do. I hope your family member is open to suggestions from you and you find a way whichever that path may take to support through this difficult time.
I just wanted you to know that I felt your concern and give you hope I don’t know what alternatives would be suggested for this particular cancer but hope someone knows and that you can pass it on, in a way that they will be grateful for the information.
Praying for the person, praying they will be open to hear about alternative treatments and that they will pray too and ask for his wisdom within the treatment they decide upon.
I am wondering if there are any support groups available. I am not wanting to go to the Cancer society websites, as i don’t feel that’s the type of support we’re looking for. My sister has been diagnosed with breast cancer and is not in the chemo process, and has been for a few months already. Her condition is deteriorating, and her body is not so accepting of these chemicals being injected into her. My family has been studying your videos and we are convinced there are alternatives of her healing process. However, she’s not. How can I give “the willingness” to fight for her life? for her daughter? for her family? I am looking for help, for my family in order to go thru this difficult time. I’m desperate for help for my family.
I am part of a network of supporters that communicates often with so many cancer survivors thru conference calls, live events etc… We share so much hope and benefit to families and individuals dealing with this terrible disease. Text me at 708-692-8386 for more info.
Have children from church or community make get well cards and mass mail or send in one big manila envelope to the person with cancer. My husband read his daily to keep him going through rough days.
I tried suggesting the alternative to chemo to my mother when she was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer and till the end she had this fear of me that I was trying to kill her . You can’t let your feelings get hurt by one who is sick because in my case she didn’t feel I was doing enough even though I was there with her for 24/7. I had no help from family and struggled through, so if you know of another caregiver my advice would be to help them along with the patient. The healing herbs are in the Bible and proven where as chemo in my mind is nothing but a money making scheme for all those pushing it.
Hi, my husband lost his fight in December 2013, he was diagnosed with myathenia gravis in 2009, a chronic disease that virtually destroys everything thats normal in your life. We muddled our way through our days , months and years. Then in November 2012, he started complaining of a bad back and feeling bloated, he was treated for a virus and given antibiotics. February came 2013, a scan was arranged, gall bladder stones was the new diagnosis. The pain was getting worse, life was terrible, I couldn’t stop Colins pain, 26 weeks later, we had a consultancy to get the gall bladder out, Dr wanted another scan, Colin had lost a massive amount of weight, a week later we had a letter to attend our local cancer centre here in Liverpool, we knew we where facing a horrendous time ahead. Cancer support was virtually none existent. Colin was given 2 to 4 months to live, total oblivion hit us like you wouldn’t believe, late stage pancreatic cancer, A race against time, i researched everything on natural healing ,i fed Col everything organic, and loads of herbs , blended juices, and bicarbonate of soda drinks, it was so hard and frightening, we had no help whatsoever, 6 months later we where still battling on, and succeeding, his oncologists couldn’t believe it, she said to me, whatever your doing its working,just keep doing it, but the myathenia gravis had kicked in with vengeance,. One of the most aggressive cancers, pancreatic, was under control, but the myathenia had ended up taking Colins life, Organic fresh food and fruit with herbs is the way to fight cancer.
there are some typos in above reply…One was in this sentence : ,They do try what i want them to no matter how firm and insistent i am…IT SHOULD READ : They do NOT try… A few other typos are similar so i hope people can figure them out on their own.so i don’t have to leave such a long reply here too.. smile.
I’ve had Cancer now three times over the last 6 years. It has visited me in the form on two lots of Nasopharyngeal Cancer followed by a terminal diagnosis (6months) given exactly 2 years ago.
I managed to escape this untreatable death sentence by digging deep and researching case files, released medical files and anything that looked at an alternative way of dealing with my illness. It soon became clear that Cannabis Oil has rescued so many people in this situation.
So, that’s what I did and here I still am with an recent MRI Scan showing nothing in the form of tumours within my skull.
Unfortunately I am now having to live with aftermath of the treatment I have received. Thanks to Radiotherapy x2 I can now only open my mouth 2mm. It’s been like this for two years and I have been told that it’s for life!
Now live on liquid, but it’s all become a blessing in disguise as I have carried out further research and for the last two years I have maintained healthy weight and energy levels while fully avoiding anything that would invest Cancer’s return. So, no Alcohol, no Dairy, no refined sugar, no chemical additives or Enumbers to name but a few.
I have been very lucky in the way that family and friends have offered support and encouragement. They repeatedly call me “An Inspiration”, which is kind of strange givetgat I’ve just been super ill for a very long time!
hy.my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer in ovember 2016 and after all treatments ,she met with death on 8 October 2018,when i searched from internet she did not use any refined suger ,processed items,just natural food with almost no meat ,i m begging for help how to go for natural remedies ,what the doctor to approach if we are living in poor and remote countries and who will help people actually.plz plz plz guide .heart is broken and wants a sincere reply .siblings are great and their death is leaving u with nothing
whose to consult and what to use to defeat this fatal disease
Hi Rabi,
We are so sorry to hear about your sister’s passing.
The best advice we can give you is to consult with one of the doctors/experts that we interviewed in our Global Quest Series. Here is a link to get their information: https://thetruthaboutcancer.com/experts-info-sheet/
Hello brother Ty, thank you for sharing this article so that others can be enabled in being supportive to a family member or anyone who is diagnosed with cancer. I am one who believe in what you are doing to help others. For more than 21 years, I have been eating whole plant food, and a few natural supplements, and all praise be to God for the truth in preventing cancer and other diseases . I am healthy, and full of energy. I agree with your advice on helping and supporting anyone with cancer. I do practice your suggestions. Never give up on anyone, rather keep hoping and praying, also listening to what God is saying to you, in your effort to continue doing your best.
Thanks for the obviously wise advice!
Thanks for sharing your feedback on this, Raven! 🙂
It’s very difficult not to make mistakes, communication wise, especially when the person you are trying to help heal is someone very close, like a sibling, who you share history with. One can’t avoid certain knee jerk reactions on both sides, which go way back to the childhood. My sister needs my help, but at the same time she rejects it whenever she can. She wants me to listen to her, but she hints all the time that indirectly I am the cause of her illness, which is very hard to hear. It’s beyond difficult to see the person you love dearly suffer, and I’m scared stiff at the prospect of losing her, but with guilt added to it, it becomes next to impossible to stay emotionally sane. I consider buying discrete ear plugs in order to be a “good listener”.
I totally believe in the power of positive thinking. My other half has lung cancer and by the time I reconnect with him…he had very little support. Even though I can’t go with hI’m to his appointments, I always send him positive vibes and sayings. He tells me that I give him the most support out of everyone else. I never let a negative thought go through my head. His last appointment was awesome. His tumor has shrunk down to almost normal. Love and positive thoughts go a long way for the healing process
Absolutely, Brenda! This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing!
Wishing you and your other endless love, blessings, and support always!