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I hope you have all had a wonderful year this year. I wanted to share some really strange stories that actually happened during 2016. I used the term “Bizarro World” because, quite frankly, these stories are so strange, so weird, and so bizarre, that it’s difficult to believe that they are true. But these are all TRUE headlines from 2016…
#16 – PASSENGER TAKES TURKEY ON FLIGHT AS “EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL”
How would you feel if you boarded a flight, took your seat… and then noticed the person next to you had brought a turkey onto the plane with them? Well, that’s exactly what happened in January of 2016 when a man boarded a Delta flight accompanied by a turkey. Apparently, Delta allows passengers to bring “emotional support animals” with them on flights as long as they “behave properly in public settings.”
According to the National Service Animal Registry, an “emotional support animal” is “a pet that has been prescribed by a person’s licensed therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist. The animal is part of the treatment program for this person and is designed to bring comfort and minimize the negative symptoms of the person’s emotional/psychological disability.”
Ty’s comment: I’m all for emotional support and stability, but this seems to be taking it a bit too far. A dog? Sure. Even a cat? Sure. But a turkey on a flight? C’mon…
#15 – THE FBI SAYS IT CAN’T FIND HACKERS TO HIRE BECAUSE THEY ALL SMOKE POT
The word on the street is that the U.S. government is having a hard time hiring cybersecurity experts. Perhaps it’s because many hackers can find more lucrative deals that do not involve working for the feds. But there’s another theory as to why they are having such a difficult time. The FBI now says that its drug-testing policies are keeping experts off the payroll. According to The Wall Street Journal, FBI Director James Comey said that in order to pursue so-called cyber criminals, the government would pretty much have to let government hackers get stoned because all the good hackers are potheads!
Ty’s comment: Cannabis (marijuana) should be legal. It’s an extremely effective medicine for epilepsy, cancer, Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s, and many other diseases. If smoking pot enables the hackers to be more effective at their tasks, then let ‘em smoke!
#14 – FEDS SPEND $406,875 TEXTING LATINO MEN TELLING THEM TO EXERCISE
The National Institutes of Health is spending more than $400,000 sending text messages to Latino men to “encourage them” to exercise.
Due to the stereotype that Latin American men are inactive and lazy, The University of California at San Diego is “studying” whether or not texting them will spur their exercise activity.
Ty’s comment: REALLY? Over $400K of OUR money wasted by the National Institutes of Health “nagging” grown men to exercise? Can’t the NIH think of a better way to use taxpayer money?
#13 – “DIET COKE IS HEALTHIER THAN WATER!”
An obesity study led by Professor Peter Rogers, PhD, of the University of Bristol, concluded that: “Overall, the balance of evidence indicates that use of [low-energy sweeteners] in place of sugar, in children and adults, leads to reduced [energy intake] and [body weight], and possibly also when compared with water.” Translation: diet soda is better for controlling your weight than water!
Ty’s comment: Liar, liar, pants on fire! Aspartame (in Diet Coke) actually contributes to weight gain, diabetes, and increased risk of stroke! But what do you expect from a study that was backed by Coca-Cola and Pepsi? I’ve heard of subversion of science due at the hands of big business, but this one takes the cake!
#12 – CBD CLASSIFIED AS SCHEDULE 1 DRUG
On December 14, 2016, the Drug Enforcement Administration announced that marijuana extracts – including cannabidiol (CBD) – fall under Schedule 1 drug classification, making all forms of the plant illegal under federal law.
Let’s be clear… CBD (unlike THC) is not psychoactive! In other words, you cannot get “high” from it. Interestingly, in order to be a Schedule 1 drug, by definition the substance can have “no accepted medical use.” But according to the National Cancer Institute, the benefits of cannabinoids include treating the side effects of cancer, reducing inflammation, blocking cell growth, and helping with multiple sclerosis, chronic pain and epilepsy. Hmmm…those sound like “medical uses” to me. And what about states that have “medical marijuana” laws?
Ty’s comment: What an amazingly “buffoonish” and “oxymoronic” announcement by the DEA. I think they all need to get their heads out of their aspirin bottles! Or maybe they are just protecting their turf? Oh, did I mention that the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) holds a patent (#6630507) on the medical use of cannabis for neurological diseases and diseases caused by oxidative stress? But according to the DEA, cannabis has no medical uses, otherwise it couldn’t be classified as a Schedule 1 drug?!?! Hmmmm… we can’t let logic get in the way of the DEA’s announcement, can we?
#11 – WOMAN FACES POSSIBLE ARREST FOR SELLING TAMALES WITHOUT A LICENSE
Dennise Cruz was stunned after receiving a “warrant arrest notice” in the mail because of her… tamales. To her surprise, upon checking the mail one muggy August day, she found a yellow postcard from the City of Carrollton stating she needed to call the court or she could find herself in cuffs. Since tamales weren’t readily available in the local stores, a few months back, Cruz decided to whip up some masa, steam up some corn husks and sell tamales. She didn’t know that she needed a “permit” to sell these Mexican delicacies and that the “offense” carried a $700 fine, which if not paid, could result in jail time for Ms. Cruz. The director of Carrollton Environmental Services said that Cruz was issued a fine instead of a warning because the corn and meat used to cook tamales makes them a “potentially hazardous food.”
Ty’s comment: We used to live just a few miles from Carrollton, Texas. The truth is that if you live in this area of Texas, you likely know someone whose aunt or grandma makes extra cash on the side by selling tamales. But you probably didn’t know that it’s a criminal offense, right up there with rape and murder!
But selling tamales isn’t the only violent food crime that is running rampant in The Lone Star State. Last year, in Overton, Texas, police promptly shut down a dangerous black market enterprise ran by two little girls providing thirsty customers with lemonade. The two criminals (sisters aged 7 and 8 years old) said that they were unaware that selling lemonade requires a health department inspection and a $150 permit. Yeah right. Likely story. Criminals always have an excuse, don’t they?
All joking aside, I’m literally dumbfounded at the asinine legislators who pass regulatory laws like this, and the equally daft cops that enforce such laws. Hey, I support the police as much as anyone, but this nonsense has to stop. This type of ludicrous regulation on food seems to be flourishing in Texas lately. A few days ago, I just read an article (posted on Christmas Eve) about how the Houston Police Department targeted a group of homeless advocates who were attempting to hand out hot food and gifts to the homeless. The cops made the homeless (hungry) people throw away the donations (hot food, blankets, and other supplies). I watched the video and one of the Houston cops said, “You have to have a permit to feed the homeless.”
In situations like this, I believe that we need to STOP asking for permission where none is required. Police that enforce immoral laws like this which result in the homeless going hungry should be ashamed….
#10 – STARBUCKS SERVES MAN BEVERAGE WITH LABEL “DIABETES HERE I COME”
Back in April, a man who ordered a Grande White Chocolate Mocha at a Starbucks in Florida received the drink with a printed label that read, “DIABETES HERE I COME.“
Due to the fact that he his sisters are both diabetic, the customer did not find the label very humorous. He wrote underneath the label, “2 of my sisters are diabetic, so…not funny.”
Ty’s comment: While coffee can actually be healthy, let’s just say that if you’re drinking a Grande White Chocolate Mocha from Starbucks, then it’s not healthy! I know that the comment was meant to be funny, but this certainly was no laughing matter, especially since the customer’s sisters are both diabetic. However, the comment may be accurate. According to Starbucks, a Grande White Chocolate Mocha contains a whopping 49 grams of sugar, not to mention loads of non-organic dairy, non-organic coffee, and carrageenan. Bottom line… if you want to stay healthy (and avoid diabetes), you probably should stay away from Starbucks.
#9 – COURT TAKES CHILD FROM MOTHER AFTER SHE MENTIONS CHEMTRAILS AT SCHOOL
In May, despite no allegations of child abuse or neglect, a Colorado judge removed a child from her mother’s care solely because the mother believes “chemtrails” are being sprayed into the atmosphere. The judge said that “99% of people would know those are just contrails,” and said that the mother is “so immersed in a fringe subculture” that “she is a danger to her daughter.”
Ty’s comment: Allowing the state to characterize holding certain harmless beliefs or living completely legal lifestyles as a form of “child abuse” is an incredibly dangerous precedent and should be opposed at every turn. This is government tyranny! The ignorant judge should open her incredibly closed mind and actually read the literature, specifically HR 2977 “The Space & Preservation Act of 2001.” In this document the US government openly admits the existence of chemtrails and weather control weapons.
And just in case that’s not enough for the incredibly ill-informed judge, here are a few US patents relating to chemtrails and geoengineering: Patent#1619183, Patent# 2045865, Patent# 2591988, Patent# 3437502, and Patent# 3531310.
#8 – KFC DEBUTS EDIBLE NAIL POLISH
The term “chicken fingers” now has a new meaning, as KFC debuted edible nail polish flavors (“Original Recipe” and “Hot & Spicy”) in Japan in May 2016.
“To use, consumers simply apply and dry like regular nail polish, and then lick—again and again and again,” the brand said in a statement.
Ty’s comment: Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “Finger Lickin’ Good”!
And while we’re discussing KFC…..
#7 – KFC INTRODUCES “FRIED CHICKEN” SUNSCREEN
I had to include both of these KFC stories because they are both so bizarre. In an even more bizarro story than the nail polish, in August, KFC also introduced KFC’s Extra Crispy™ Sunscreen that smells like fried chicken and keeps you from turning “extra crispy.”
Ty’s comment: Because, after all, who DOESN’T want to smell like fried chicken? On a serious note, to find out more about the potential pitfalls of sunscreen in general, check out this TTAC article.
#6 – SPECIALISTS CALL FOR GASTRIC SURGERY TO BE STANDARD DIABETES TREATMENT
In May, the world’s leading diabetes organizations recommended gastric surgery (removing a portion of the stomach) as a standard treatment option for people with diabetes. The new guidelines say surgery designed to reduce the stomach and induce weight loss should be recommended to treat all diabetes patients whose body mass index (BMI) is 40 or over.
Ty’s comment: Yeah, that makes sense. Someone has diabetes, so let’s cut out a portion of their stomach. This story is yet another example of the vast difference between natural medicine and Western medicine. Natural medicine says “control the diet to treat diabetes” while western medicine says “cut out the stomach.” Gastric surgery is serious and there are serious risks.
#5 – COCKROACH MILK IS THE SUPERFOOD THE WORLD’S BEEN WAITING FOR
Think twice before killing the next cockroach you find in your apartment. A team of scientists at India’s Institute for Stem Cell Biology and Regenerative edicine discovered that cockroach milk may be the greatest superfood of them all. The Pacific beetle cockroach (the only kind that gives birth to live young) feeds it’s babies by lactating protein-dense crystals, which pack fats, sugars, amino acids, and more than four times the nutrition of cow’s milk. After a series of tests and genome sequencing, they discovered that the formula is a complete food. Yeah, kind of like avocados.
Ty’s comment: Is it just me, or does harvesting “milky liquid” from the guts of cockroaches (and then drinking it) seem a bit…. gross? I think I’ll continue dipping my organic cookies in homemade almond milk, not cockroach milk. But thanks anyway. 😉
#4 – SIGN OUTSIDE OLYMPIC VILLAGE BATHROOM BANS… “TOILET FISHING”???
During the 2016 Olympics in Rio de Janiero, an American Olympian shared a photo of an unusual bathroom sign banning throwing toilet paper into toilets − and using commodes as fishing holes.
Basketball star Elena Delle Donne posted a photo to Instagram showing the instructions posted outside of an Olympic Village bathroom. The sign appears to ban bathroom users from throwing trash in toilets, vomiting in toilets, standing on top of toilets to squat over the bowl, using a fishing rod to try to catch sea life in the toilets, and standing sideways at a urinal (presumably to defecate).
Ty’s comment: Darn! Because I really wanted to “toilet fish” today!
Speaking of FISH…..
#3 – SALMON OFF THE COAST OF WASHINGTON STATE ARE ON DRUGS!
That’s right. Disturbing new research has indicated that young salmon found in Puget Sound tested positive for more than 80 different drugs, including cocaine, OxyContin, Valium, Zoloft, Prozac, Lipitor, and dozens of other medications used by humans. Researchers have found tainted wastewater discharge is the culprit, as the estuary waters are located in close proximity to the outfalls of sewage-treatment plants where levels of prescription and OTC drugs and personal-care products have been detected among the highest in the USA!
Ty’s comment: What a shame! Our own drug dependence is now poisoning the animal kingdom. Perhaps it’s time to realize that drugs (prescription, OTC, and illegal) are creating more problems than they are fixing. And that while there is a role for “conventional medicine,” most symptoms can be treated effectively with natural medicine and without side effects like drug dependence and poisoning the environment.
#2 – DENTAL PATIENT GRABS GUN INSTEAD OF PHONE, SHOOTS HIMSELF
It was a routine dental appointment on September 1, 2016, until James White went to reach for his cellphone. However, instead of grabbing his phone, the 72-year-old from New Carlisle, Ohio (who was under the influence of nitrous oxide) grabbed something else: his pistol. Still sitting in the dental chair, the woozy patient fired off a round that struck his hand and grazed the left side of his stomach.
Ty’s comment: This reminds me of the hilarious scene from “The Pink Panther” movie where Inspector Clouseau and Inspector Dreyfus are both under the influence of nitrous oxide − although shooting yourself is certainly no laughing matter. I guess a good rule of thumb is that if you’re going to be put under nitrous oxide, then you should think twice about taking your gun into the dentist’s office!
DRUMROLL… And the #1 most BIZARRO story of 2016 is….
#1 – CALIFORNIA JUST PASSED A LAW TAXING & REGULATING COW FARTS
In California’s consistent quest to put the plug in global warming, the Smurf-blue state has turned its attention to dairy cow derrieres, and the gasses that emanate from said backsides. In September 2016, California Governor Jerry Brown signed legislation into law that will limit the methane gas rising from farms created by the cows belching and farting. Dairy farmers say the new regulations will drive up costs when they’re already struggling with five years of drought, low milk prices, and rising labor costs.
Ty’s comment: While methane is a “greenhouse gas” (like carbon-dioxide), the evidence connecting man-made greenhouse gases to global warming is nonexistent. The reality is that this foolhardy law won’t stop cows from farting, of course, because cows are notoriously disrespectful of human-passed laws. Instead, the only thing it will do is to make life more difficult for dairy farmers in California. Unfortunately, California is big on “regulating” things and less big on actually solving problems.
Hey, here’s an idea… why don’t we focus on the Confined Animal Feeding Operations (CAFOs) instead of cow farts? An estimated “65 billion animals worldwide, including cows, chickens and pigs, are crammed into CAFOs. These animals are literally imprisoned and tortured in unhealthy, unsanitary and unconscionably cruel conditions,” according to EcoWatch.
As absurd as this sounds, New Zealand already tried the “fart tax” back in 2003. Then after over a decade of uproar (mixed with snickering), they proposed putting “gassy cows” on a drug (lovostatin) to help with their flatulence. Surprise Surprise!
Remember, laughter is the best medicine, so laugh your heart out at these stories! Thank God the U.S. government hasn’t tried to tax laughter… yet!
Which of these stories do YOU think is the most absurd. Do you have any others to add to the list of Most Bizarre News Stories of 2016? Please share in the Comments section below.
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